First time in Amsterdam. Part 2
Tourist traps and what we managed to visit during those 2 days
The whole center feels like one big tourist trap, but it’s not that bad — no one’s aggressively trying to sell you stuff like in Egypt. Still, it’s hard to catch a glimpse of Dutch culture or even get a sense of what Dutch people look like because everything is tailored for tourists.
Usually, when I plan a trip, I check Reddit for local recommendations on what to skip to avoid traps or crowds, it’s not perfect, but helps. But this time was different — we just went for it.
Brothel Tour with Former Sex Worker
Informative, respectful, educational. Without doubt, it was my fav. Roughly 50 minutes of talk (including a Q&A) and a 15-minute walk through the brothel.
Few facts from the top of my head:
- No one’s “pimped” Hollywood-style. Workers are entrepreneurs. They pay taxes. A whip is a deductible business expense.
- Sometimes it’s not about sex — it’s about mastering expensive small talk. If a client wants to treat a performer to a drink, only champagne is offered, starting at 35 euros per glass. Sharing a bottle is also an option, with prices ranging from 375 euros to 3,000 euros. When a bottle is purchased, the worker receives a percentage — up to 800 or 900 euros for the priciest option. Such sales happen roughly once every week or two, attracting wealthy clients like businessmen or celebrities.
Q&A with a sex worker in Amsterdam
Cheese Tasting
Ok for the money, the guide guy was very nice, I enjoyed it, but it’s not for advanced cheese users, more suitable for first time cheese tasting tourists.
Respect to Dutch marketing skills, they have pulled off the ultimate cheese con. They took one recipe, split it into a thousand timelines, sprinkled it with cumin, truffle, or lavender, gave each version a new label — and sold the world a dream of endless variety. Meanwhile, the French are still in a cave somewhere, arguing about mold and terroir. France makes 400 kinds of cheese, the Netherlands makes 400 kinds of Gouda.
Each of us got four pieces of different cheeses (plus mustard and some cheese dip souse) and a glass of wine. My fav was probably Goat Extra Old.
And at the end, there was an unexpected bonus – something that looked like swiss Tête de Moine, cheese that isn’t sliced but shaved into delicate rosettes using a special tool called a girolle. This technique releases its full nutty, creamy aroma and turns cheese into edible petals. Each rosette was served with wine-soaked grapes – soft, rich, and slightly boozy, like tiny flavor bombs.
Sexmuseum
Ok for it’s relatively low price, though you can visit one of the Sex Shops in the Red-light district to see sex-related items for free.
Altogether it feels like someone’s garage full of sex-related collectibles: coconut in the form of ass, mechanical dudes with boners, vintage posters, nude photos, NSFW art, vulva-cake. Even the full-size figure of Marilyn Monroe, because, you know, she was a sex symbol. My fav was probably Asian area.
Heineken Experience
Considered one of the top tourist traps. Locals don’t go there. Boring, expensive, and the drinks at the end don’t redeem it.
I don’t like beer and only went along with friends. Knew I wouldn’t enjoy and had low expectations, but it’s still managed to disappoint me. The worst part was sitting in a dark room, staring at a big screen showing us promo video with how bottles get filled with beer and magically teleport to a party. Meanwhile, I’m just sitting there watching people on screen have fun, like some background NPC. Not enjoying something is one thing. But feeling like a moron — that’s a new level. And way too many people at once — we couldn’t even find a place to sit with our drinks.
Any random bar would’ve been a better choice.
House of Bols
Ok for cocktail lovers, though short. We had an audio guide – I dislike those things and strongly prefer a human one, so that was big meh for me. The atmosphere was nice, quiet, not crowded.
The Bulldog Boat
Chill, fun ride on the boat, especially at the end of the day. Not too historical — just good vibes.
Rijksmuseum
The national museum of the Netherlands focused mainly on Dutch art, history, and culture — Rembrandt, Vermeer, weapons collections, ship models.
Doing a museum like this with four friends is a struggle — everyone has their own taste and tempo, and it turns into a low-key logistical nightmare.
In such museums I usually need a guide to keep me engaged — without one, it’s just old stuff and guesswork. Didn’t make it to the end, but found a few gems along the way.
Micropia
Mixed feelings. I think they did a pretty good job for a Museum of Microbes, but I expected more personal interactions.
The most interesting part was this Body-Based Interface. I missed era of Kinect, never tried anything like that before. No controllers, no gloves, no setup. Just walk up and wave.
How it works
- Likely uses infrared depth sensors (like Kinect or Leap Motion)
- Tracks skeleton joints in real time
- Recognizes hovering gestures, not taps
- UI responds to hand distance + location, not pressure
Your hand becomes the cursor — and it’s visible
Both hands glow like flashlights. Even the one holding a phone was accurately tracked. This feedback is critical — you know where your interaction point is and how much to adjust.
Tapping instinct runs deep
Unintentionally I always wanted to “tap” invisible buttons in the air.
The onboarding failed for me
I didn’t see the instruction at the bottom corner to “hover” — just started waving out of instinct. The first screen prioritized microbe facts — not how to interact.
Real-time skeleton mirroring feels alive
The mirrored figure reacts instantly to posture, arm movement, even slight head tilt. It’s intuitive and delightful. Like a ghostly puppet of yourself.
One-handed use never worked
Tried using just one hand while holding my phone — didn’t work. You need both hands free to comfortably navigate both sides of the interface.
People walking by = input disruption
If someone crosses between you and the screen (or better say the camera), tracking breaks. Not ideal for crowded or public spaces.
Feedback is minimal but effective
Light “click” sounds + subtle visual pulses confirm interaction.
I feel like the only good use case for this kind of UI is showing something educational about your body. Anything else I can think of right now would benefit more from other UI options.
Escape Room “The Alchemist”
In terms of fanciness, it easily outranks any other escape room I’ve been to — really well done. But for me, it wasn’t worth it. It’s like going to an expensive restaurant — not everyone’s vibe. Honestly, I had more fun in a local crappy escape room with half-working props. The others seemed to love it, though.
Westerpark
It’s my favorite kind of park — the type where people are just lying on the grass near water and chilling. It wasn’t overcrowded in the evening, has a nice view, and the people were so relaxed that I totally vibed with the atmosphere. I didn’t plan to go there — I was just passing by — but I couldn’t resist and ended up spending few hours hanging out with the ducks.
Unlike Vondelpark, Westerpark doesn’t feel touristy at all.
Reddit recommendations
🤡 Better Skip
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Madame Tussauds Amsterdam — Commonly rated as overrated. Same wax figures as in other cities, just fewer. Crowds, noise, and all for a couple of selfies.
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The Amsterdam Dungeon — Horror theatre with overacting actors. Many call it a “waste of money”. Only for fans of spooky English-style humor.
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Zaanse Schans Bus Excursion — Often slammed as an overpriced trap. Better to go by train on your own. The bus tour is boring and costly.
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The Upside Down Amsterdam — Insta-trap. Photo zones with upside-down rooms. Kids might enjoy it, but adults are often disappointed.
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Giethoorn Day Trip Including Canal Tour — Widely seen as a trap. Lots of buses, crowds, and expensive. Pretty, but feels like a tourist set.
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Volendam & Zaanse Schans Windmills Bus Excursion — Typical checklist tour — take photos, see cheese and clogs, leave. Purely touristy, no soul.
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WONDR Experience — Another Insta-trap. Looks nice, but zero substance. Adults without kids are usually disappointed.
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Day Trip to the Cheese Markets in Gouda or Alkmaar — Pure tourist theatre. Crowds and staged auctions. The cheese isn’t that different from stores.
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Royal Experience – Royal Coster Diamonds — Jewelry sales disguised as a tour. Borderline scammy. Best avoided.
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Rembrandt’s Amsterdam Experience — A trap. Short multimedia showroom mimicking a studio. Go to the real Rembrandthuis instead.
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Pedal Boat Amsterdam — Sounds fun, but tiring and awkward in practice. You’ll block other boats and get exhausted. A normal cruise is better.
🤔 Mixed Reviews
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Amsterdam Canal Cruise — Recommended, especially in the evening. Beautiful views and a good intro to the city. Better to pick smaller companies or an open-boat without an audio guide.
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A’DAM Lookout — Nice panoramic view, but the swing ride is pure tourist bait. Worth it if you like cityscapes, but not a must-see.
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Moco Museum – Banksy & More — Small but pleasant museum. Fans of Banksy and modern art might enjoy it. Often overcrowded and feels a bit commercial.
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THIS IS HOLLAND — 5D attraction with visual effects and scents — seems made for kids but surprises many adults. A 20-minute flight over fields and windmills. Touristy but not bad.
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Hello Amsterdam - Introduction Walking Tour — Depends on the guide. Some enjoy it, especially early in the trip. But if you know how to Google and walk — you can do the same for free.
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AMAZE – Amsterdam — A new immersive multimedia exhibit. Trendy among younger visitors and those wanting an “Instagrammable” experience. Not a museum — an experience.
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Rotterdam, Delft & The Hague Live Guided Tour — The trip itself is good, but the group format gets tiring. Better to visit just one city and explore on your own.
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Museum Het Rembrandthuis — Small and cozy. Nicely arranged. If you’re into Rembrandt — worth visiting. Not a must-see otherwise.
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Day Trip to Zaanse Schans Windmill Village — Cute and photogenic, especially if you go solo. With tours — turns into a crowded souvenir zone.
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Dutch Craft Beer Tasting — Good beer, but the “tasting” format feels shallow. Better to hit a solid craft beer bar.
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Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam — Modern art for enthusiasts. Some great works, but exhibits can be strange. If you’re “into it”, you’ll enjoy.
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H’ART Museum — A new museum-partnership format (formerly Hermitage). Quality of exhibits varies. Depends on the current show.
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Ferry to Muiderslot Castle — Beautiful, especially in summer. But the ferry is just transport, not an attraction. Don’t go just for the ride.
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The Murder by Dam Square — Theatrical mystery game. Interesting in parts, but many expect more. Overrated.
✅ Praised by many
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Open Boat Cruise — Praised for its chill atmosphere. Best taken in good weather, with no roof or crowds. Often recommended as the best way to see the city.
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Mike’s City Highlights Bike Tour — Praised. Great guides, relaxed vibe, and insightful context.
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Bike Rental in Amsterdam — Absolutely yes. Best way to explore the city. Just know the rules and respect local cyclists.
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Bitterballen and 2 drinks at bar De Pierewaaier — Loved for its local vibe and casual fun. Tasty and not pretentious.
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The National Maritime Museum Amsterdam — Underrated. Huge collection, ancient maps, docked ship. Especially great with kids.
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Anne Frank’s Amsterdam – Walking Tour — Deeply emotional and informative. Guides and route praised. Book ahead with a serious company.
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World Press Exhibition at De Nieuwe Kerk — Powerful, moving exhibit. Especially for fans of photography, journalism, global events. Not always available.
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The Life of Anne Frank & Neighbourhood Tour — Atmospheric and historically meaningful. Many appreciate the walk through her neighborhood as a complement to the museum. Go with a guide.
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Houseboat Museum — Small but charming. A good way to understand how people really lived on the water. Worth a quick visit.